Hello darling,
Welcome, to the blog! I’m sitting at my kitchen table, the soft morning light streaming in through the window, casting a warm glow on everything around me. It’s a quiet Saturday, and my daughter is playing in the next room. The house is calm, almost peaceful, except for the gentle hum of the kettle and the sound of my thoughts.
I’m dressed in something simple and comfortable, a cosy, oversized sweater and one of my favourite dresses. My hair is still in a messy bun from the rush of the morning routine, and I’m sipping on a cup of warm, freshly brewed coffee, letting the smell fill the air.
As I sit here reflecting on this journey, I feel compelled to write. It’s a strange feeling, one that I’ve learned to action. My heart feels a tug to share, to help others understand the complexity of honouring a parent, especially when the relationship has been anything but easy. Writing helps me make sense of the emotions, the struggles, and the growth I’ve experienced.
This isn’t just a topic I’m exploring, it’s part of my journey. It’s something that has weighed heavily on me for some time now, and as I sit here, I realise how important it is to talk about it. The world tells us to let go, to sever ties with those who have hurt us, but there’s a deeper calling, a call that comes from God’s Word, which challenges the easy answers and asks us to go deeper, to forgive, to honour, and to seek peace in ways that seem impossible. Because sometimes, the hardest battles we face are in our own families, but in those very battles, we find the true meaning of love, honour, and peace.
The Challenge of Honouring When Hurt
Many people ask, “Why should I honour a parent who has hurt me?” And it’s a fair question. Honour is not the same as obedience or submission, nor is it about excusing abusive behaviour. Honour means to treat others with respect, acknowledge their role, and, ultimately, to release ourselves from bitterness. Forgiveness, in this context, is something we offer—not as a reconciliation that requires their participation, but as an act of obedience to God. I’ve found that this act of grace is freeing, not only for my heart but also for my relationship with God.
I understand that for some, the pain caused by their parents is huge. I’ve heard from others who’ve experienced deep wounds—whether from abandonment, neglect, or other emotional traumas. And while each person’s story is unique, God’s call to honour remains the same. However, I also recognise that honouring a parent does not mean enduring further harm. Sometimes, honour looks like praying for them from a distance, while setting boundaries to keep yourself safe.
Boundaries, Forgiveness, and Honour
Forgiveness does not mean we re-enter toxic or abusive situations. For me, it has been about acknowledging past wounds, setting firm boundaries, and choosing to release resentment. When I forgive, it doesn’t imply that I condone my parents’ behaviour; instead, I release myself from the anger and pain that held me back. My experience has shown that forgiveness is a personal journey between myself and God, independent of my parents’ actions.
Setting boundaries has been one of the hardest yet most essential steps in honouring my parents in a way that preserves my well-being. These boundaries are not a form of punishment; they’re an act of self-care and a way to protect my family and me. They allow me to maintain a relationship that feels safe, even if it’s limited.
What Honoring Can Look Like in Practice
Honouring a parent doesn’t look the same for everyone. For some, it means continuing to invite them to family gatherings while managing expectations. For others, it could mean a heartfelt prayer each day for God’s intervention in their lives. Here are a few ways honouring might happen:
- Praying for Their Well-being: When we pray for our parents, even the ones who’ve hurt us, we place them in God’s hands. Prayer doesn’t always change them, but it often changes our hearts, softening us and helping us see them as people with their own struggles.
- Finding Ways to Speak Respectfully: While it’s easy to slip into blame, choosing words of respect can be a silent act of honour. I’ve had to learn to check my speech and my thoughts about my parents, choosing to speak of them with compassion, even if they don’t hear it.
- Accepting Imperfections and Setting Boundaries: As children, we sometimes idealise our parents, but adulthood reveals their flaws. Accepting them as imperfect individuals, while setting healthy boundaries, helps us honour them without compromising our peace.
- Forgiving and Letting Go: Forgiveness is a powerful act of honour. When we forgive, we mirror Christ’s love for us. It allows us to release past grievances and move forward, free from the burden of bitterness.
- Reflecting on God’s Love and Grace: Remembering that we, too, are recipients of God’s mercy helps us extend grace. God’s call to honour our parents is not meant to burden us but to free us, reminding us that He understands our struggles and is walking this path with us.
A Promise for Obedience
The command to honour our parents comes with a promise—“that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land” (Ephesians 6:2-3). This is more than a promise of a long life; it’s about the quality of life that results from living in alignment with God’s Word. For me, honouring my parents became less about them and more about my obedience to God. In surrendering to this command, I’ve experienced a peace that transcends understanding, as if God was gently saying, “I see you, I know your pain, and I am with you.”
Seeking God’s Wisdom and Finding Freedom
If you’re struggling with this journey, you’re not alone. Many of us wrestle with what it means to honour parents who may not deserve it. I encourage you to seek God’s guidance. Honour does not mean becoming a doormat or re-entering an abusive relationship. Sometimes, honouring a parent means creating distance and allowing God to do the improving work in both your heart and theirs.
Let’s remember that honouring our parents, especially those who may have hurt us, is a deeply personal journey. It’s a journey of faith, one that requires God’s strength, wisdom, and grace. While the world may tell us to cut ties and forget, God’s Word calls us to something higher and holier: to honour, forgive, and release. I pray that if you’re on this path, you find encouragement in God’s promises and strength in His Spirit. As we continue to walk this journey, may we honour God by seeking His heart in how we honour others, even those who have hurt us.
God bless you as you seek to walk in love and truth.
Sending blessings your way!
Scherise. X
